Shirley Tipsy

Dear Myspace Friend

Dear Friends,

I have decided that I want to renew my vows with you. To make new promises and work on our relationship. I hope you know that I am doing this because I want you to know how commited I am to the Audrey and [Friend] dynamic.

I, Audrey, take you [Friend] to be my myspace pal. To comment and
to message from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer
for poorer, in sickness and in health, in slow load times and bad status updates, till your profile is deleted do us part.

I promise to put up random bulletins containing information you probably don’t care about, but feel compelled to read anyway just in case I reference you in one of my quiz answers.

I promise to specifically mention certain people and how much I love them, thus implying that everyone else reading it is somehow lesser and that they’re probably not on my top 20 for a reason.

I promise to sporadically blog with cryptic posts that bitch about people and situations without directly calling them out.

I promise I will stay true to you (until you post too many bulletins and annoy me into removing you.)

I will be honest (unless you post a new pic that makes you look fat, in which case I will probably post a comment and say you look cute anyway, because as a myspace friend it is my duty to make sure your vanity feels well founded.)

In the name of the Father Tom, the News Corporation and the Internets,

Amen

Hugs and Kisses,

Audrey